Ambush in the Shower

Last week was not a fantastic week for my daughter.  She was great one minute and the next doing things that she knew would get her in trouble.  What the heck is going on?  I kept asking her if she wanted to talk about something, is there a problem at school, why are you purposely doing things you know are wrong? 

I don't know...
Nothing...

I know she was hurting about something, which was making me miserable because I just didn't know how to help. 

A friend of mine mentioned that her daughter (also adopted) had a tough time on Mother's Day.  After a talk with her, her daughter admitted that she had been thinking about her birth mother and after her mom said "That's ok!  I think about her sometimes too"  all was right with the world again.

Ah Ha!  That must be it!  So since Syd is always asking the deep questions in the car on the way to some where close by, which by the way I think she does on purpose so she can escape quickly, I decided to change tactics and ask her a question while she was climbing in the shower.   Can't escape from that!

"Hey Syd, can I ask you a question?  Do you ever think about your birth mother?"

The look on her face was priceless, kind of like a deer in the headlights! 

I told her that it was ok to think about and to talk about her birth parents. I told her that I think about them sometimes too, and the look of relief on her face told me that that was exactly what she had been thinking about.

Now I'm not going to share our conversation but we had a great talk and she had lots of question that I answered to the best of my ability.  She understands that we know nothing about her birth family and that makes a part of her sad, she wishes she could invite them to a hockey game some time.

I learned that I just can't ask "blanket" questions, I need to be very specific with what I ask her.  If that doesn't work, ask a different very specific question until I ask the right one.  It's so important to talk to your kids and let them know it's ok to talk to you, but you might have to do a little digging in the shower.